The independent person is often introverted.
During most of their life they did not depend on outside influences to prove their worth. Instead, their abilities in school showed through the challenging work they did, teachers called on them and they knew the answer. Now later in life things might not have gone well or it might be wonderful, such as getting accolades for being hard at work. However, there are times even the independent person wishes to gain recognition. They want people to continue rewarding them for diligent work, while also finding value through their beliefs. When those beliefs are challenged, such as someone not liking the work they do, saying they are not worthwhile because of their life choices, and any number of other insults it can take a toll. It can become a situation where the independent person is no longer able to think about the reasons why they found self-worth in the face of everyone else’s dismissal. The struggle is how to get back to a place where you, as an independent person can find your confidence and self-worth. The exercises for you are more self-based than might be for the person who
has been more dependent on others for confidence. In the face of disrespect and self-loathing it is time to come up with reasons you are worthwhile. Assess your own abilities. Do you find merit in those abilities? Are you happy when you use your abilities or intelligence? When you look at your life and base it on your contentment do you find anything incorrect? With an independent person, when you start to let someone else’s values be the “judge” for your life, you start to lose confidence. The way to get it back is to remember that you and you alone are the judge of what makes you happy in your life. Yes, you do need to be productive. You need to make your own living. But, do you need to make millions to feel good about yourself? Really? Or can you be worthwhile based on what you value most in your life. Even an independent person values the people in their life, their job, and the hobbies they have. So, how can you get back to finding the value you always have in these things? It is always going to be about self-assessment. You need to find the things in you that you respect. It doesn’t matter if no one else shows respect for them. It is about whether or not you do.
Let’s look at an example.
An independent person went to college with a plan. The plan didn’t work, and the student graduated with a degree in general studies. A degree that doesn’t truly fit any specific job. From the outside looking in many would think the degree was worthless, the money spent a waste, and the person only good for retail. Yet, this person has taken the degree and carved out a career doing exactly what the person loves, which is writing. The various aspects of study, including psychology, history, biology, chemistry, anthropology, mechanics, and more ensure the person can talk and discuss about any topic. As you assess your abilities, consider the example. Others viewed the degree as worthless, and yet, thousands have been earned by the person during a writing career. Your abilities, nay your hobbies, can actually become your career and show you where the true value of your life is. From now on, write or think about your abilities daily. It does not have to be a list of everything, just one thing you are proud of and how it makes you feel. Over time, you will wake up thinking about your strengths and find your confidence is there. It may sound silly that confidence just appears, but it does. It is a tenuous concept because a negative thought can send you back into the cycle, but if you work hard enough in reminding yourself of why you are worthy, you will find your confidence is there to draw on each time. Yes, getting recognition and compliments help, but even in the face of adversity, you can find inner strength by remembering what you find worthy. Let’s tough on the example of the writer for a moment. The person has work published, doesn’t market it, but is happy that the work is at least out there. It is stage one, in an accomplishment, the person was too scared to consider in the past. What is one thing you have hesitated to do because you feared the outlook of others? What if you pushed passed those feelings and for the inner strength it would bring you, conducted the task? You will discover your confidence will come from the goal completion as much as the feelings of delight you have by finally reaching something that gave you so much fear and anxiety.
Now, not everyone is similar. You may not fear anything in your goals, and you may think about your strengths and find confidence has not returned. But, be honest, how often do you have negative thoughts? How many times a day do you put yourself down and actually mean it—not as a joke—from real feelings? Until you break the cycle confidence will be fleeting, an in the moment situation.