The next personality is the type that can be very independent in life, but they require plenty of recognition. If you are this type of person, you need to discover a way to break the cycle of needing respect and dependent on others. Confidence comes from within. It should not be something you compare to another, but as you get out of the negative cycle, you may need the help of others more than the independent thinker. Here is an example: A person has been through a difficult marriage. The marriage involved emotional abuse and in the divorce with kids involved emotional abuse is continuing to the point the person feels extremely depressed, is unable to conduct life tasks, and feels worthless. This person has an excellent job, one where they are necessary, shown by how often everyone including the boss depends on this person. But, the trouble in the personal life makes it feel like a worthless life. Recently, imposing on family members the person felt extremely horrible about it stating that the person ruined family members lives by getting them involved. The response by one family member was the truth—despite the difficulty wrought by the other party, who is uncontrollable, the reuniting of the family actually helped provide a steady job, return of confidence, and respect.
The lesson from this example is both were being helped by each other in a mutual situation of dependency. While the individual felt like life was being ruined for everyone, the truth from an outside perspective was totally different. The offer of further help and the statement that the person was worthwhile to the family helped return the confidence. Of course, in this situation, there are other issues like the emotional abuse that need to be corrected and ended, but the point is that even in extreme adversity, creating a symbiotic relationship where the person dependent on accolades is shown their worth by helping others is one way to help return confidence.
Tasks to Get Started
Whether you are more dependent on accolades from others or able to view your self-worth through your eyes without help, you will find these tasks helpful.
- Write sticky notes to post in places you look each day.
- On the notes you need to list one quality each.
- Also list a goal you reached, even if it is something small like getting a chore completed. The more you complete of mundane tasks, of goals, and remember you are worthwhile, the easier it will be to regain your confidence.